Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Thats Not How It Happened

After watching Revenge of the Sith twice opening day (it was an accident, I swear), I've decided something. Thats not how it happened. Thank you, Mr. Lucas, it was an interesting idea, but I must say you are wrong. Darth Vader's origin story is so much cooler than that.

In my head is where the real story exists. In my head there is no Jar Jar, no Meticlorians, no Virgin birth, no Count Dooku, no Droid Army, no Galactic Senate meetings broadcast via Republic C-Span. I'll let you in on how it really happened:

Episode I: The Buddy Flick... Obi Wan is a reckless but faithful Jedi. He is sent on a mission and needs a pilot, so he is assigned a 20-year-old Anakin. The rest of the movie is them becoming best friends while saving the galaxy. Skywalker shows promise. The movie ends with Obi wan deciding to secretly train him.

Episode II: The Training Flick... Anakin learns the force, starts to let it go to his head, falls in love with Padme, becomes a badass Jedi.

Episode III: The Love Triangle... Padme is pushed away by Anakin's lust for power. She is comforted by Obi-Wan. Skywalker gets jealous. Some other shit happens and *bam* Darth Vader.

Thats I've got swimming around in my head. What did you expect? Fan Fiction? No, my point is that when something is a important to you as Star Wars was to me growing up, you dont have to settle for someone elses vision. You can make up your own. So, there you have it, the real Vader prequels. Or as real as they are in my head.


At 5:49 PM, Blogger OrangeDeca said...

It looks like I'm not the only one with this idea. Patton Oswalt, the best comedian in the world, wrote this version.

At 9:58 PM, Blogger Clubberjack said...

Scott Kurtz has a version as well.

At 9:58 AM, Blogger Foopy said...

Hmm, I like your version better, although I think there's also something to be said about a collective experience. Going to the re-release of Episode IV on opening day back in 1997, for instance, was memorable not so much because it presented a great story on the big screen which I'd only seen on a TV, but because I was surrounded by hundreds of other people who were laughing and cheering along with me. I valued it more as a collective experience than anything else.

What's most unfortunate about the mediocrity of the new trilogy, I think, isn't so much the films themselves as the breaking of that collective love for everything Lucas had wrought. What was once the entire theater cheering as the Lucasfilm logo sparkled onto the screen on Episode I's opening day back in 1999 was reduced to two or three cries of "woo-hoo!" as that same logo entered the screen in 2005.

Also, this is sort of off-topic, but speaking of creating your own Star Wars story, I'm in the middle of Knights of the Old Republic II right now, and its story is one of the finest I've ever experienced in a video game. So far there's already more emotional, philosophical and ethical complexity in here than all six Star Wars movies combined, and for the first time since Deus Ex and Planescape: Torment I'm consistently being presented with moral and social quandaries that leave me thinking about the choices I've made long after I've quit the game. If you haven't tried it out yet, I'd recommend it.


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